Bride Wars Review

Bride Wars is one of those incompetent stories that never would have been written if either of the main characters showed a lick of common sense. Apparently the writing team of Greg DePaul and Casey Wilson didn’t have enough faith in the audience to think while watching this (non)comedic concoction.

It’s utterly amazing that a talented actress could go from an Oscar nominated role in Rachael Getting Married to such low-rent comedy like Bride Wars. It’s a shame Anne Hathaway would sink so low. For Kate Hudson, it’s not a surprise since these films are typecasting herself in this mold.

The asinine set-up of Bride Wars has life long friends Liv (Hudson) and Emma (Hathaway) planning their weddings at the Plaza in New York, conveniently after being proposed to at the same time. Because these two women are completely illogical, unlikable, and apparently lacking any sense, they refuse a double wedding after the wedding planner scheduled them on the same day by accident. Of course, one of them couldn’t possibly change the date to save their 25-year friendship. What kind of movie would this be if they did?

Oh right, a logical one.

Instead, the writers cue up the usual set of pranks that only occur within the world of comedies, such as Liv switching the color of the fake tan as Emma steps into the booth. What a (non)hoot!

Multiple music montages are used to push the running time up, and they’re not integral to the plot. The movie is filled with chick flick clichés as the women look at dresses, try on clothes, and deal with such pulse-pounding issues like engagement rings. Not much changes after their little spat, other than the IQ of the audience being subjected to this dropping further.

Despite losing careers, friends, and any sense of self-respect, neither of them choose to put a stop to this nonsense, whether for the sake of the audience watching this or their own lives. As if the situation couldn’t get worse, they still plan their weddings for the same day, right across the hall from each other. Why is the double wedding a no-go again?

Candice Bergen plays the wedding planner, and while the film builds her up as the ultimate in weddings, her creepy, dominant demeanor makes her completely unbelievable. Then again, these characters don’t have the sense to realize this woman has serious issues in the first place because they’re too busy acting like children and dying the other ones hair blue. Ooh, that’ll teach her!

Bride Wars also feels the need to narrate this incredibly (non)complex story, because it apparently doesn’t believe anyone will be able to understand its (non)characterization. If the audience isn’t laughing, might as well give them something to listen to apparently.

It’s understood that the main demographic for a movie like this isn’t likely to be someone who cares about hi-def, home theaters, and booming subwoofers. However, Bride Wars says this about women: They loose all of their senses when it comes to weddings, all of them use phones by Sprint, and of course they’ll find a way to mend their relationships despite ruining every facet of their lives weeks earlier. Good for them.

Movie ★☆☆☆☆ 

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It’s bewildering that Fox can issue a clean, sharp, and accurate AVC encode for a film like this, yet choose to butcher a classic like Patton. There is no justice.

That statement said, we’re not here to judge Fox’s logic. Bride Wars is a colorful presentation, with gorgeous saturation and accurate flesh tones. Sharpness is high, and the grain structure gives the movie a natural film-like look. Contrast is excellent, and the blacks deliver a nicely dimensional image. Detail isn’t amongst the best the format can offer, although it does peak a few times.

Video ★★★★☆ 

As you should expect for a dialogue-driven comedy, a DTS-HD Master mix isn’t going to do much. Aside from the brief bachelorette party, the surrounds are dead. Even the soundtrack during those pointless montages stay firmly in the front channels. Dialogue is fine, and always audible.

Audio ★★★☆☆ 

A pop-up track can be selected to run along with the film, showing prices for all of the items featured in the movie. Materialistic much? That’s about par for the rest of these extras, none that offer anything of value. Eight deleted scenes run a little over seven minutes, followed by two improv sequences, neither of which can increase the laugh factor.

A series of six featurettes barely make it over four minutes each, focusing on the Plaza, the clothes, the characters, the poor male actors stuck in this movie, and two in-character pieces that again, fail to be funny. A round up of chick-friendly trailers also play before the movie starts.

Extras ★☆☆☆☆ 

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